More Personal with Aldi

Redemption Hurts

2010-04-19T11:01:00.003+07:00

It really a pain in the ass to admit that a redemption is such a horrible experience. I wrote something about doing something good to redempt my past sin before. Believe me it hurt but I have to get throuh it.

One It is a must for me to step forward.

Secondly, It costed me lot of things: time, energy and money, not to mention sacrife in emotions and feelings.

Well I still believe that I did the right thing. I gave my hand to help some one in pain and misserable circumstances. What I didn't expect that in return this person will stab me in the back. It was really a sad and dissapointing period but again I still believe I did a right thing. Helping people is our duty (that what makes us human in my opinion). Betrayal and manipulation is another thing.

Overall, It was a worthy experience. I never consider a sincerity and charity as useless and pointless duty. It is a must no matter what happen next. Helping others doesnot allways gain gratitude in return but it is aduty of a human being to each other. Thing that makes us human and civilized.

What if you can foresee the Future?

2010-03-28T09:25:00.003+07:00

I amnot talking about super ability or any ESP activities here. It came across my mind that most of us would die to have such ability for fortune sake. (Imagine you can see a football game score or what side would a gambling dice turn, you could become the biggest millionaire overnight). Enough about that mumbo jumbo, I feel that such ability come along with a disadvantage. Being able to know everything might make you a paranoid. Hell, how can you sleep only to know that you will die tommorow? or that your spouse might cheat next week?

In the end, it is better this way (not knowing how a process can turn to). I hope you can have a second thought to have such gift. Thank God.

Between Two Evils

2009-11-25T06:30:00.004+07:00

This morning I'm trying to jot down something..but I can't even drop a line...Perhap something has blocked my mind. A reality that I have to choose between two evils. Should I hep someone that has dissapointed me in the past or should I help someone helpless but might be my future regret?

My storm has been over and I feel as calm and peaceful as a lake's water surface but I can not let a friend in powerless and hopeless circumstances. I have to provide him an aide or at least a new perspective. Unfortunely I haven't got a clue for him. So help me God.

Sanctuary

2009-11-20T13:27:00.003+07:00

Storm has ceased and left tons of ruins, pains and loss. Darkness blankets a restless life and trapps my lost soul into a tunnel of missery. Measurement and anticipation has been taken though hopes is the only thing that prevents me from falling apart.

I held and strengtened my body to get through this chaotic period. Would it become a useful experience or merely useless and time wasted waiting?

Then come a slightest moment that I try to recollect my energy and integrity. Trying to find meaning and bless behind all missery and pain, I realize that there really is light at the end of this tunnel. I feel the end is near..and it is not doomed but bloomish, colorful and bright... I can even smell it from a distance.

I believe God has every right to provide me a precious lesson. and I learn my lesson well. It was all for a greater good.. Thank God that I'm here at the end of the missery tunnel. but it is not over yet.. It's just a new dawn..a new hope...a new beginning...

I finally find my sanctuary...I'lll never watnt to trade it for anything else. God please keep me here in this very place...this very state of mind....

Stripped

2009-10-31T07:19:00.002+07:00

Often times I feel like I am stripped down from all of my ammunitions. I feel restless and useless, seems like everything I've working for is falling apart and turns into zero. A big waste!

I hate to say that a perfectionist hates these words: wastage, useless, imperfection,failure! ..and those all I got!

In many occassion I tried to be tough and recollecting my integrity and energy back by any means but I was desperate at the same time!. I cried for help and nobody came and nothing happened!

Once such circumstances takes place I am not only sad but inddiferent and has nothing to contemplate for. No purpose whatsoever.

Redemption

2009-10-17T15:06:00.002+07:00

.. Father forgive me for I have sinned....

Would it be better compensated if I forgive someone that once has dissapointed me to my very core?

Would it become a redemption to what I have done to others? Would such things make me feel better?

How could I trade my restless soul to tranquility and serenity?

So help me God.

Being Realistic

2009-10-13T14:03:00.002+07:00

Not every dish you've ever wanted served full of delicious food. Often times it is too sour, too sweet or bitter. There may be times that it is even empty for there is nothing to cook for.

So be grateful for every dish (even if it is empty) since you've been given precious chances to see it full and empty to realize how precious life is. It is the only way to appreciate life as is, the good and the ugly of it.

Embracing a Gift

2008-11-04T20:27:00.002+07:00

Too often I let go precious things in life. It seems like I have no struggling what so ever to keep things where they belong. Career, business, Love are among to mention. Becoming bazard things when realizing that I am a perfectionist, a person that love fulfilments and achievements. Then again life can be very unpredictable.

Life is more probalistic rather than scientific constant. What I know for sure is that I have to do things to tha most attainable level I can reach. Or else die misserable. The only problem left is how eager you maintain the spirit inside to cope with uncertainties.

My experience taught me that no matter what had happened to my precious life (the good and the ugly) I must believe that I should fight beautifully in order to accomplish my mission. I exist for a noble reason therefore I must use every resources I have to win my battle.

MYOH = Mind Your Own Heaven

2008-03-19T18:51:00.001+07:00

About two or three good fellows on twitter had inspired me with this fact : each of us deserves a slice of heaven on earth! Actually there’s nothing new about this but It struck me the other day after a spiritual fierce full battle with my sister’s life style. Yes, it was a battle inside my mind each time I had to face her daily routines. It began with her being unemployed a couple months ago. And what itches me the most is that I have to face it 24/7!

While I had to prepare things before going to work, she shall start her day with gossip shows on TV. Then her “full schedule” will continue to next hours of TV entertainments till evening (yes, till evening’s singing contests on TV ends). Frankly speaking, there’s nothing wrong with luring yourself once in a while in front of TV. But I don’t think it is worth doing when most of our valuable (productive) times used for such things. I believe she needs to utilize her times for productive allocation such as applying for jobs or creating a home business. As a person that builds my career on manufacturing field, it makes me crazy when seeing someone wasting time unproductively. I’m sure she needs to think of career before falls into depression. I hate to think of her having a state of no accomplishment. (as I wrote on my other blog : Are we destined for our success or failure?). The only option that she has to make is simply doing things to change her life, and surely it is not probable with her daily time management style.

I can easily advice friends and colleagues on any topics, but when it comes to my beloved sister, my mouth is sealed carefully. Her egocentric or self-centered personality is a main factor that prevents me from saying such sensitive “advice”. Thus the battle becomes spiritual; inside my mind only. Since there is no intervention of any kind that I can do, then I come to a simple conclusion : let her be. I say to myself : “mind your own heaven. For god sake, don’t even try to deliver such stupid advice to her. It won’t work.”

Perhaps she needs her own sanctuary, her own zone. So, break a leg, sis.

The Judgement Day

2008-03-06T10:37:00.004+07:00

A couple days ago was my critical moment to make a decision whether or not to terminate a relationship.

I thought that there's no point to continue such a fake realism. I did believe it took two to tanggo. Succesful relationship should be more mutual rather than self-centered understandings. Since I seriously considered the rule of balance in life, a healthy equilibrium of two interests was a must for a healthy relationship.

After strugling hard to keep up, I finally came to a decision to cease and let go.

Resurection

2008-03-02T21:21:00.003+07:00

Earthguake has stopped but left ton of ruins and pains. My turbulent days was over and I got to start another chance in a new beginning.

It's not that I have already healed completely from the wounds but life must go on. Perhaps It's going to be a little pesimistic at first but hopely I shall gain my "ability" and "touch" along the way.

I learned my lessons well and I got all the support I needed most from family and friends.

Recollecting my inner energy that had been drained was never an easy phase, but I manage to do it after a deep contemplation.

Forgiveness

2008-02-26T09:10:00.005+07:00

Forgiveness is, as singer/songwritter Don Henley says, "The heart of the Matter." To forgive is to let go of anger, bitterness and desire for revenge. Anger and bitterness are energy drains and negatively affect creative pursuits. - George Gamez, Ph.D.

Peace on earth, peace in my heart. I suppose that was the missing element for these couple of weeks. My positive energy diminished to a warning level. What had happened to me? Where was the nice guy within? It was fury and negative feelings that surrounded my zone.

In my deep contemplation, I finally found peace. Gosh, I finally found "the reset button"! My family, my job, my friends are so precious and that's the only reason to bounce back. Now, I'm back on the right track. Thanks God.

A perfectionist in a not-so perfect world

2008-02-25T09:46:00.005+07:00

I was born a perfectionist and that's the main reason why my desk is so well-organized. I'll surely get mad when someone changes my arrangement, though just a simple sliding of stationeries.

Same thing happens to a bigger scale : my daily life and work. I want everythings planned before executions and I only love a perfect, precisely-as-planned executions. There's no such things as exceptions or anomalies. Those are the things that I hate most.

I want my world managed with a highest precision and accuracy. Frankly speaking, being a perfectionist sometimes drives me crazy since most people arround me are not the same "mutant" as I am.

Most people might love to let everything goes with the flow, leave everything to chance. To me perfectionism is not merely an obsession, It's my way to achieve success. Simply put, It's my basic mean to survive in this competitive world. I believe in any race, a split second could make a major difference : either you win or you loose.

So, welcome to my perfectionist realism in a not-so perfect world.

In the world of my own

2008-02-23T16:59:00.004+07:00

Februari 18th was supposed to be a special day but turned out to be devastated. Did I ruin the special occassion? I sure did...or perhaps It was just destiny ?....I never know.

The "Higher Power" might want me to have a better perspective over my life. I could'nt deny that It hurt to face the fact that the reality that I've been living for is actually a fake. It was there for the fun and happiness that was not real. It was there for I desired it. The realism of my own creation.

Sooner or later the truth will come out. No matter how hard I deny it, I could'nt resist the consequences. The truth shall reveal.

As written in my previous blog, we can't have it all! It's a matter of trade-offs! You win some, you loose some. That's all.

What a knight made of?

2008-02-23T11:45:00.002+07:00

It had been a hectic month since I decided to move forward with my life. With Michael Bubble sings "Home" in my room, the void of space seems so obvious. The emptiness won't go away easily by the hectic schedule of life routine. It's not hard to understand my emotion at this very moment. A man who deprives from the pretty face of life but yet try to bounce back.

There is a huge void in life that longing for fulfilness. Is it life in general? Is it job related or perhaps love life? I wish I could tell you more. But I could not.

I saw "The Nines" the other day, a unique surealism interpretation of life in reality tv . This cast of Ryan Reynolds, as Gavin, put an interesting lines : "Sometimes Life needs a reset button" depicting how tense his emotion when it came to a decision whether or not to fire "Melissa McCarthy", a main role in his to-be-aired TV show. Gosh, how I need a reset button as well! So to speak, an emotion of a man who had to make a tough decission in life. Then came one obstacles after the other (that ruined my weeks) and put me in a serious agony. Iin order to survive the battle, I asked a simple question : what a knight made of? I might need the power and skill to cope with these trials.