Stripped

Often times I feel like I am stripped down from all of my ammunitions. I feel restless and useless, seems like everything I've working for is falling apart and turns into zero. A big waste!

I hate to say that a perfectionist hates these words: wastage, useless, imperfection,failure! ..and those all I got!

In many occassion I tried to be tough and recollecting my integrity and energy back by any means but I was desperate at the same time!. I cried for help and nobody came and nothing happened!

Once such circumstances takes place I am not only sad but inddiferent and has nothing to contemplate for. No purpose whatsoever.

Redemption

.. Father forgive me for I have sinned....

Would it be better compensated if I forgive someone that once has dissapointed me to my very core?

Would it become a redemption to what I have done to others? Would such things make me feel better?

How could I trade my restless soul to tranquility and serenity?

So help me God.

Being Realistic

Not every dish you've ever wanted served full of delicious food. Often times it is too sour, too sweet or bitter. There may be times that it is even empty for there is nothing to cook for.

So be grateful for every dish (even if it is empty) since you've been given precious chances to see it full and empty to realize how precious life is. It is the only way to appreciate life as is, the good and the ugly of it.

Embracing a Gift

Too often I let go precious things in life. It seems like I have no struggling what so ever to keep things where they belong. Career, business, Love are among to mention. Becoming bazard things when realizing that I am a perfectionist, a person that love fulfilments and achievements. Then again life can be very unpredictable.

Life is more probalistic rather than scientific constant. What I know for sure is that I have to do things to tha most attainable level I can reach. Or else die misserable. The only problem left is how eager you maintain the spirit inside to cope with uncertainties.

My experience taught me that no matter what had happened to my precious life (the good and the ugly) I must believe that I should fight beautifully in order to accomplish my mission. I exist for a noble reason therefore I must use every resources I have to win my battle.

MYOH = Mind Your Own Heaven

About two or three good fellows on twitter had inspired me with this fact : each of us deserves a slice of heaven on earth! Actually there’s nothing new about this but It struck me the other day after a spiritual fierce full battle with my sister’s life style. Yes, it was a battle inside my mind each time I had to face her daily routines. It began with her being unemployed a couple months ago. And what itches me the most is that I have to face it 24/7!

While I had to prepare things before going to work, she shall start her day with gossip shows on TV. Then her “full schedule” will continue to next hours of TV entertainments till evening (yes, till evening’s singing contests on TV ends). Frankly speaking, there’s nothing wrong with luring yourself once in a while in front of TV. But I don’t think it is worth doing when most of our valuable (productive) times used for such things. I believe she needs to utilize her times for productive allocation such as applying for jobs or creating a home business. As a person that builds my career on manufacturing field, it makes me crazy when seeing someone wasting time unproductively. I’m sure she needs to think of career before falls into depression. I hate to think of her having a state of no accomplishment. (as I wrote on my other blog : Are we destined for our success or failure?). The only option that she has to make is simply doing things to change her life, and surely it is not probable with her daily time management style.

I can easily advice friends and colleagues on any topics, but when it comes to my beloved sister, my mouth is sealed carefully. Her egocentric or self-centered personality is a main factor that prevents me from saying such sensitive “advice”. Thus the battle becomes spiritual; inside my mind only. Since there is no intervention of any kind that I can do, then I come to a simple conclusion : let her be. I say to myself : “mind your own heaven. For god sake, don’t even try to deliver such stupid advice to her. It won’t work.”

Perhaps she needs her own sanctuary, her own zone. So, break a leg, sis.

The Judgement Day

A couple days ago was my critical moment to make a decision whether or not to terminate a relationship.

I thought that there's no point to continue such a fake realism. I did believe it took two to tanggo. Succesful relationship should be more mutual rather than self-centered understandings. Since I seriously considered the rule of balance in life, a healthy equilibrium of two interests was a must for a healthy relationship.

After strugling hard to keep up, I finally came to a decision to cease and let go.

Resurection

Earthguake has stopped but left ton of ruins and pains. My turbulent days was over and I got to start another chance in a new beginning.

It's not that I have already healed completely from the wounds but life must go on. Perhaps It's going to be a little pesimistic at first but hopely I shall gain my "ability" and "touch" along the way.

I learned my lessons well and I got all the support I needed most from family and friends.

Recollecting my inner energy that had been drained was never an easy phase, but I manage to do it after a deep contemplation.