Redemption Hurts

It really a pain in the ass to admit that a redemption is such a horrible experience. I wrote something about doing something good to redempt my past sin before. Believe me it hurt but I have to get throuh it.

One It is a must for me to step forward.

Secondly, It costed me lot of things: time, energy and money, not to mention sacrife in emotions and feelings.

Well I still believe that I did the right thing. I gave my hand to help some one in pain and misserable circumstances. What I didn't expect that in return this person will stab me in the back. It was really a sad and dissapointing period but again I still believe I did a right thing. Helping people is our duty (that what makes us human in my opinion). Betrayal and manipulation is another thing.

Overall, It was a worthy experience. I never consider a sincerity and charity as useless and pointless duty. It is a must no matter what happen next. Helping others doesnot allways gain gratitude in return but it is aduty of a human being to each other. Thing that makes us human and civilized.

What if you can foresee the Future?

I amnot talking about super ability or any ESP activities here. It came across my mind that most of us would die to have such ability for fortune sake. (Imagine you can see a football game score or what side would a gambling dice turn, you could become the biggest millionaire overnight). Enough about that mumbo jumbo, I feel that such ability come along with a disadvantage. Being able to know everything might make you a paranoid. Hell, how can you sleep only to know that you will die tommorow? or that your spouse might cheat next week?

In the end, it is better this way (not knowing how a process can turn to). I hope you can have a second thought to have such gift. Thank God.

Between Two Evils

This morning I'm trying to jot down something..but I can't even drop a line...Perhap something has blocked my mind. A reality that I have to choose between two evils. Should I hep someone that has dissapointed me in the past or should I help someone helpless but might be my future regret?

My storm has been over and I feel as calm and peaceful as a lake's water surface but I can not let a friend in powerless and hopeless circumstances. I have to provide him an aide or at least a new perspective. Unfortunely I haven't got a clue for him. So help me God.

Sanctuary

Storm has ceased and left tons of ruins, pains and loss. Darkness blankets a restless life and trapps my lost soul into a tunnel of missery. Measurement and anticipation has been taken though hopes is the only thing that prevents me from falling apart.

I held and strengtened my body to get through this chaotic period. Would it become a useful experience or merely useless and time wasted waiting?

Then come a slightest moment that I try to recollect my energy and integrity. Trying to find meaning and bless behind all missery and pain, I realize that there really is light at the end of this tunnel. I feel the end is near..and it is not doomed but bloomish, colorful and bright... I can even smell it from a distance.

I believe God has every right to provide me a precious lesson. and I learn my lesson well. It was all for a greater good.. Thank God that I'm here at the end of the missery tunnel. but it is not over yet.. It's just a new dawn..a new hope...a new beginning...

I finally find my sanctuary...I'lll never watnt to trade it for anything else. God please keep me here in this very place...this very state of mind....

Stripped

Often times I feel like I am stripped down from all of my ammunitions. I feel restless and useless, seems like everything I've working for is falling apart and turns into zero. A big waste!

I hate to say that a perfectionist hates these words: wastage, useless, imperfection,failure! ..and those all I got!

In many occassion I tried to be tough and recollecting my integrity and energy back by any means but I was desperate at the same time!. I cried for help and nobody came and nothing happened!

Once such circumstances takes place I am not only sad but inddiferent and has nothing to contemplate for. No purpose whatsoever.

Redemption

.. Father forgive me for I have sinned....

Would it be better compensated if I forgive someone that once has dissapointed me to my very core?

Would it become a redemption to what I have done to others? Would such things make me feel better?

How could I trade my restless soul to tranquility and serenity?

So help me God.

Being Realistic

Not every dish you've ever wanted served full of delicious food. Often times it is too sour, too sweet or bitter. There may be times that it is even empty for there is nothing to cook for.

So be grateful for every dish (even if it is empty) since you've been given precious chances to see it full and empty to realize how precious life is. It is the only way to appreciate life as is, the good and the ugly of it.